The Narcissist's Prayer (2023)

This did not happened.
And if it was, it wasn't so bad.
And if you do, it's no big deal.
And if you do, it's not my fault.
And if he was, he didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserve it.

The Narcissist's Prayer (by Dayna Craig) beautifully illustrates the inner workings of the narcissistic mind. Denial, gaslighting, downplaying bad behavior, finger-pointing and shaming are contained in that single verse, all hallmarks of covert emotional abuse. For a narcissist, "truth" is not seen as a fixed and finite entity, but as something malleable: what the narcissist says is the moment he says it. The truth is simply what serves the narcissist at that particular moment.

Let's take a closer look:

"This did not happened"

Here we have rejection , mixed with rewrite history - both classic narcissistic behaviors. If you've been in a narcissistic relationship, you'll recognize it right away. Narcissists need to feel good about themselves. This is an integral part of the personality disorder. They desperately need to feel special or perfect to distract themselves from their core wound, which is an underlying feeling of worthlessness. They can't accept blame for bad behavior as it would challenge the image they have to project to the world, so they just deny it.

"And if he did, it wasn't so bad"

minimization it's another tactic connected to the narcissist's brain being miswired as a result of how they responded to their upbringing. Here they belittle the matter at hand to make it seem unimportant. And for a narcissist, if it doesn't work for them, then yes. es not important. Narcissists downplay everything from their own bad behavior to the achievements of others, a sick person's symptoms, and someone else's problems. Narcissists are controlling by nature: they need to control their image and how others see them, and they need to control others to escape the reality of their own fragile ego. Here they try to control how others see external situations.

"And if you do, it's no big deal"

Of course, this is also minimization again, but here I want the idea of ​​' manipulation. Gaslighting is a specific narcissistic behavior in which the narcissist denies another person's reality, making them believe they are perceiving something wrong. "You think everything is wrong" is a common narcissistic refrain, in one form or another. If this happens often enough, the victim eventually stops trusting themselves and starts relying on the narcissist in their life as the "voice of reason" or the barometer of what is good or right. I knew a narcissist whose gaslighting was so severe that he told his wife he was drinking tea when he was actually drinking coffee which she had seen him make. Though she knew somewhere in her heart that this wasn't right, she questioned everything she thought she knew. This keeps the victim right where the narcissist wants them, trapped in their metaphorical cage where they can be manipulated and used to attract the narcissist's attention, adoration, drama or conflict when they need it, the oxygen that keeps the narcissistic feeling going. complete and alive. 🇧🇷

"And if he does, it's not my fault."

Another easily recognizable narcissistic behavior for anyone who has been in a narcissistic relationship - here we look at the phenomenon" point with the finger" 🇧🇷 Again, narcissists cannot blame themselves for anything because in doing so they have to admit to themselves that they are not as perfect and special as they need to be in their own mind. Even the slightest responsibility through the tiniest chink in their superiority armor will cause the entire false persona they are projecting to crumble, leaving them exposed, ashamed and vulnerable. All narcissists play victims when they need to. Nothing can be their fault: it's always someone or something's fault, and they're just helpless, hapless victims of circumstance.

"And if so, I didn't mean it that way"

Again, liability issues are key. Narcissists are not apologetic or serious. Never. An apology will only come if it benefits you in any way: Apologies are transactional, as it is with a narcissist. Narcissists cannot be seen as villains and cannot tolerate shame. That burning sense of shame, the humiliation that healthy people learn to endure, uncomfortable as it may be, is something a narcissist simply cannot afford to experience. For them, shame feels like an existential crisis. It must be hit all the time, usually in a different one.

"And if you do, you deserve it."

here we have both projection y culpa 🇧🇷 Projecting your feelings onto someone else so that you don't have to feel them is called "projection" and narcissists are masters at it. When a narcissist falsely accuses you of feeling something or doing something or being a certain way, they are likely projecting onto you and you that they're actually feeling that feeling, doing that action or something. In this line of verse, the narcissist is projecting their shame onto you. They blame you for what they did so they don't have to face the shame and your shiny, fake looks can remain intact and intact. The narcissist often uses illogical arguments to convince you that something is your fault or that you did everything wrong, but says it with such convincing fanfare that you feel cheated. Often they change the direction of their arguments so quickly that you are completely confused.

It is said that the incidence of narcissism is increasing and that cultural narcissism is ingrained in society. Those with a high prevalence of narcissistic traits thrive in today's climate, where wealth, success, grandiosity, and entitlement are widely seen as positive traits. Consider the world of politics steeped in narcissism and consider the far-reaching implications of this. Unfortunately, the profound negative effects on society and at the individual level can be stigmatized and often swept under the rug.

Numbers vary, with some studies suggesting that up to 6% of the population may be eligible for a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Chances are, even if you don't know a narcissist directly, you know someone who does and has likely suffered at the hands of a narcissist to some extent.

PNH is known to occur as a result of environmental factors. In other words, narcissists raise narcissists by the way they raise their children, and the abused become abusers.

I believe it is up to all of us to break these generational chains by raising awareness of narcissistic abuse and destigmatizing the experiences of those affected. The unique healing challenges faced by those who have experienced the trauma of narcissistic abuse need to be understood by as many people as possible, as well as the fact that mere time alone will not heal these wounds.