What to say when someone dies (2023)

Losing a loved one can be devastating and it can be difficult to find the right words for someone who has recently lost a loved one. You need to balance sensitivity with your expressions of sympathy, what you say, when you say it, and how you say it.

Read on to find out how you can help someone who is grieving., what to say and what not to say.

How can I support a grieving person?

It's hard to see someone suffer. Sometimes trying to ease the pain of others and not knowing how to do it can make you feel helpless. While you can't take away the pain of losing a loved one, you can show your support to make their healing process a little easier. Read on to find out how you can help someone through the grieving process.

Acknowledge your sadness and give hope

It is natural to want to ease the pain of a loved one. However, it is important not to downplay your sadness and grieving process. Still, you can offer them hope and support by acknowledging their grief and providing them with a safe space to deal with the loss at their own pace and in a way that works for them.

It can remind them of their inner strength and that they will eventually get through this challenging time.

It is extremely important to be honest and convey heartfelt messages when offering hope and support to a loved one. Your grieving loved one may already feel isolated and alone, and any interaction that seems superficial or insincere can make them feel even more so.

be present

Sometimes a grieving person needs to know that they are not alone. That's why it can be a great comfort when someone listens, when you need to talk, or when you need to sit together in silence.

People process their grief in different ways. They may just want to sit down and process the complicated emotions that grief and loss have been experiencing inside. Or they need to talk about their lost loved one. You can show your sympathy and comfort to a grieving loved one simply by being with them and listening to what they have to say or not say.

When a person works with their pain, they can often tell the same story or talk about the same thing. The person doesn't necessarily need your advice or want you to fix or change something. They just need someone to listen to them as they come to terms with their loss.

Show your support through gestures or actions

Someone going through difficult grief may not think about taking care of things that would normally be part of their daily chores. You can show your support by offering to help with these tasks.

Suggest specific things you can do to help your close friend, such as: B. Helping with funeral arrangements (for example, contacting the funeral director or preparing funeral pamphlets) or dealing with authorities to obtain the death certificate and send it to the relevant parties.

If your yard requires chores like mowing the lawn or shoveling snow, you can do it yourself or hire someone to do it for you. You can do laundry for your bereaved friend, prepare snacks for the mourners, shop for groceries, or prepare a meal while the mourner processes the death of their loved one.

If you have special skills, you can volunteer. Let's say you're a lawyer or you know real estate. If yes, you can help those afflicted with these issues.

sincerely grab it

There are several ways that you can convey your sincere condolences. Texting, even if it feels impersonal, can still be appreciated. They express their deepest condolences and allow the person to read the message and respond in peace. It's a discreet way to let someone know you're on their side without forcing them to respond.

you can send sympathy giftsor sympathy cards that show the person that they are being thought of during this difficult time. A gift or card is personal and can express your deepest condolences without the need for the bereaved person to interact with you if they are still gripped by strong feelings of sadness.

(Video) What To Say When Someone Dies

If you know the person well and have arranged it beforehand, you can reach out to express your heartfelt condolences. However, if he does, make sure you don't disturb the mourners and don't stay too long. It is important to read the situation and not become more of a burden than a support for your grieving friend.

Give the grieving person space.

Some people need the comfort of others around them while they are grieving. They find strength and support knowing that there are people close to them to lean on.

Others want to suffer in private. They may find the need to interact or entertain others distressing. They may even feel guilty for not responding to text messages, sympathy cards, or other forms of human contact.

Respect her wishes and give her space to grieve in her own way. It helps make it clear that a response isn't necessary and that you just want to reach out and let the mourners know that you're there for them if they need someone.

show respect

It's part of human nature to want to know what happens when someone's life ends. It reminds us of our own mortality. When talking to someone who is grieving, speak honestly and authentically, with no ulterior motives.

Avoid asking about what happened unless the bereaved person volunteers or talks about it. Be careful when speculating or gossiping about the deceased person or their death. If you know how someone went through, be selective about what you share and with whom. Some people may not want these details made public.

Avoid sensationalizing the person's death. This applies not only to talking about death, but also to the loss of a person and how you deal with it.

Remember that the bereaved person has lost a loved one and is likely going through immensely painful emotions. You will remember the people who were sensitive at that time in their lives, and the people who were not.

Be receptive and understanding

Coping with grief is a complicated process that can take weeks, months, or years. There is no time limit to grief and no set way to deal with grief.

You may find that your friend or family member continues to grieve long after the loss of a loved one. While you may not always understand this, it's important not to judge your grieving friend. Saying it's time to move on does little to heal. Sometimes it can do more harm than good, leaving the person feeling judged and misunderstood.

Allow them to grieve at their own pace and how it feels right for them. Telling them how to apologize, such as telling them to cry or finding something to distract them, may not work well.

Keep offering your support

The loss of a loved one changes life and, sometimes, the grieving process, although changed, lasts for the rest of life. However, most people offer their sympathy and support shortly after a person's death and eventually move on with their lives.

The pain of the relatives of the deceased is often left alone. It can be comforting to have someone continue to reach out to you after the first few weeks or months. They may appreciate your call or visit, or offer to run errands for them.

This can be especially true for widows or widowers who now live alone and need to do many of the tasks that their spouse used to do. Mealtime can be incredibly lonely and bringing a meal to share is a thoughtful way to show your care after the death of a loved one.

Stay focused and don't do it for yourself

A grieving father doesn't want to hear how the loss of his son has made him appreciate his time with his children even more. Let them talk about what they are going through. Avoid focusing the conversation on yourself and your experience of loss.

(Video) What to Say (and Not Say) to Comfort Someone Who’s Lost a Loved One

Making comparisons of your own experiences may not be helpful unless you can share stories or information about times when you have grieved. However, it must be shared with sensitivity and respect, always with an eye on the person who suffers.

For example, the story of your grandmother, who passed away peacefully in her sleep, may not comfort anyone who has lost a husband or wife at a young age and is now raising two children alone.

Sharing this story can make mourners feel more isolated and misunderstood.

Use social media sparingly

Few things are sacred these days and they don't end up on your social media pages. A “rest in peace” post on a social media platform might seem like a great way to show respect. Still, it can be very difficult for bereaved friends or family members to process the death of their loved one if they continue to see photos of them on their social media.

The same applies to discussions with the media. While you may have good intentions, any statement published in the media must come from (or be approved by) the family.

What to say when someone dies?

It can be hard to think of what to say to someone who has recently lost a loved one. You may find it difficult to find the right words and worry about saying the wrong thing.

It's nice to show someone that you genuinely care about them and that you're there for them, even if they can't admit it. Still, you may be wondering what is the right thing to do.

Sometimes saying "I'm sorry for your loss" can seem disingenuous and generic. It does not express the deep and sincere condolences of her. so here are someAlternatives to mourning your loss.

Sometimes we are afraid to name or talk about the deceased. This is because we believe that by creating them we can remind mourners of the death of their loved one and bring them more pain and sadness.

In most cases it is exactly the opposite. The truth is that a grieving person thinks about the person he lost almost constantly.

Many bereaved people may feel that the person who died will fade from their memory if they are not talked about. Perhaps for them all that remains of the deceased loved one are the memories of that person. So it might help in the grieving process to talk about the deceased.

You can tell them how much you will miss the person who died or share some of your memories of them. This can help someone who is grieving to process her grief instead of ignoring it.

You do not have to wait for the mourner to talk to the deceased. Instead, ask him about one of his best memories of him or what he liked best about that person. He tells them that they are in a safe space to share and that you want to listen and share those memories with them.

Above all, treat the bereaved as a human being. Speak directly and don't sugar coat things. When someone has recently lost a loved one, niceties or euphemisms often don't bother them (although some do). Take the sign and talk to them on the level they are on.

They will notice when you are authentic and will appreciate your honesty, openness, and understanding. If you show genuine compassion instead of just saying cliché things to make them feel better, you're less likely to say the "wrong thing."

(Video) What *should* you say when someone dies?

What not to say when someone dies?

We want to offer comfort to our grieving family after the loss of a loved one. We want to ease the burden of grief, but it's really hard to know what to say when someone dies.

When we greet each other, we often automatically ask how they are doing. While this has become part of a shared greeting, it may not be appropriate to say it to someone who is grieving.

The obvious and honest answer to that question is: "Not good." Asking the bereaved person and allowing them to respond to this statement can create an awkward situation that makes both of you uncomfortable.

Asking how they are doing can make it seem like you are ignoring the other person's grief and loss. It may seem like you are treating her and the conversation as if you were treating a conversation on any other day and situation.

On the other hand, although you may avoid asking this question out of sympathy and trying to avoid a situation where the person has to admit that they are unwell, you may feel invisible.

Not asking how they are doing will deprive them and you of the opportunity to connect with your shared grief.

Instead of asking how she is doing, you can ask her how she is feeling. This can create a space where they can share their thoughts or feelings, or talk to you about something that is troubling them.

If you ask someone who is grieving how they're doing without expecting a general "good," you can start a conversation about your shared grief. This can lead to a vulnerable conversation where both of you can find some comfort, healing, and peace.

Phrases like "It's God's will" or "It's for the best," no matter how well-intentioned, rarely do much to ease the pain. Avoid saying that these are similar phrases unless the mourner says them first.

Even if you mean this with good intentions, some people don't want to hear it, especially when they are going through one of the most painful experiences of their lives.

Be careful when using religious references, especially if you are unsure of the religious beliefs of the mourners. Trying to comfort an unbeliever by telling him that his loved one is with God now will do little to bring him the peace and relief he hopes for.

Also, avoid trying to convert mourners to any religion during this time of mourning. Trying to scare or motivate someone suffering to convert to a particular religion is insensitive and may offend them.

How can I explain death to children?

Talking with children about death can be difficult. When talking to a child about death, be direct and create a safe space for them to process and ask questions.

Euphemisms are not always useful when talking to children. It can be confusing when you say something like "Grandpa is no longer with us." Don't be afraid to use words like "died" or "died" as long as they are accompanied by a brief explanation of what they mean.

When a child is confused about what happened to a loved one, they can become frightened. Without knowing where they are, children can continue to search for the deceased.

(Video) What to say if someone passed away - How to express your sadness

Children think concretely. You cannot always distinguish between euphemisms and reality. Using phrases like "went to sleep" can make the child afraid to go to bed if she never wakes up again.

Please answer all of your child's questions openly and honestly and provide age-appropriate information. You may need to ask clarifying questions to make sure he fully understands the question before answering.

You don't necessarily have to give your child all the details right away. Above all, they do not need to know all the medical details. She starts by giving them the basic details, give them time to process, and then let them know you're available if they want to talk some more. Let them guide this process; they will notify you when they are ready.

Avoid making things up if you don't know the answers to some of your questions. Instead, admit that you don't know, and reassure him that you'll try to find out.

You can help your children process their grief by grieving with them. This teaches them that it is safe to show and feel their emotions while working with them.

Share the memories of the lost loved one with your children. As with adults, this can help them find comfort and deal with overwhelming feelings of loss and sadness.

Let the conversation flow naturally. Avoid intentionally trying to steer him in a certain direction or have an agenda. Instead, give your child time to process the silence and opportunities to ask questions.

It can be difficult to talk with children about the death of a loved one while trying to control and regulate your own emotions. However, it is important to show them that you are sad too and that crying is okay.

How can Spoonful of Comfort help me?

comfort spoonCare packages can help you send your condolences to someone who is grieving. They specialize in putting together packages that their service can deliver right to the door of your loved one, friend or colleague.

o sympathy soup basketincludes everything you would do if you were preparing a meal for your grieving loved one. This basket includes four to six servings of hearty soup or macaroni and cheese, a half dozen Bacci rolls (or bread bowls if you ask for specific soups), a half dozen crackers of your choice, a serving ladle, and a card with a personalized message of your solidarity.

oRest and pampering packageYou can help a bereaved person forget about their loss by giving them some personal care items. This bundle includes a Snuggle Comfort blanket, Snuggle Comfort socks, Pure Goats Milk hand cream and lip balm, a trio of calming teas, a Lavender Fields candle with wood lid, a relaxing coloring book and pen, and a personalized note. for you.

comfort spoon Compassion and Comfort Care Packageincludes a comfortable cozy blanket,healing after lossBook, trio of relaxing teas, raw honey with a wooden dipper, half a dozen cookies of your choice and a personal message from you.

Children find some comfort in the Pack of cookies and stuffed animals. This package consists of a cozy blanket, a warm stuffed monkey stuffed with soothing lavender, half a dozen cookies, amonkey hugBook and a note card with a thoughtful message from you.

Reach out a few weeks or months after someone's death to let the loved one know you're still thinking of them, which can help them feel less alone. EITHER You're a chewy pack of cookiesIt could brighten someone's day and remind them that you care and that they are in your thoughts. You can include one of these think about your messages. You might even encourage them to reach out to you when they need to talk to someone.

This package contained a dozen or two cookies. If you choose a dozen cookies, you can send two flavors (half dozen each). If you send two dozen cookies, you can send four different flavors.

(Video) GRIEF: How to Help Someone Who's Lost a Parent

Sending a cake or two can ease some of the responsibility of entertaining a grieving friend. You can choose between apple crumble pie or berry crumble pie if you send themComfort through SlicePie package. Each cake is ready to bake and serves between six and eight. The cake comes with a dusting cover, cake lifter, and blue ribbon wrapper to use as a serving tray. This may include a condolence card from you.

Finding the right words when someone is dying can be difficult. The most important thing is to take the bereaved person's initiative and give them a safe space to process their emotions. Being empathetic and authentic allows you to connect more deeply with other mourners and be valued by those closest to the deceased.


1. When Someone You Love Dies,There Is No Such Thing as Moving On | Kelley Lynn | TEDxAdelphiUniversity
(TEDx Talks)
2. What to Say to Someone Who is Dying – a New Perspective from the Founder of Death Cafe
(Sixty and Me)
(THE BEAT by Allen Parr)
4. What to Say When Someone Dies | English Lesson
(Cloud English)
5. What To Say When Someone Dies
(Jo McRogers Grief Support That Works)
6. What To Say When Someone's Loved One Dies
(Tara Nikita)


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